So I have been misunderstood, and feel like I should redo this whole thing and put it here. Beware, I will be being myself, and if you don't know me well, may take it terribly wrong. If so, and you think I'm being mean, read it again with a different mindset until you get it right. How will you know? You'll think "Hmmm... that's bitingly sarcastic and funny!" That is unless you don't have a sense of humor. Then you're just out of luck and probably shouldn't read any farther.
I have been a single mom for over 8 years. I decided that the general public needs to be reminded what not to tell us singles because, well, they keep saying the same programmed responses. Empty responses that others seem to feel responsible for telling us. Over and over and over and over. . . .
Singles Christians everywhere get told the same placating remarks every day. At least once. We may be asked if we're seeing anyone, we may be venting about being tired of being dateless or single. Whatever the reason, we always seem to get the SAME answer when people either don't know what to say, or think they need to say something, when in fact, they don't.
1. "God has someone out there for you."
Really? No way! Yes. We know, but we just cannot seem to find each other. We are currently playing Hide-and-Seek, and no one is winning. Unless in telling us you know their exact hiding location with GPS tracker, we don't need to be told this any more.
2. "God is perfecting you for your mate."
Ok, so this is pretty much a way to make us doubt our current self worth. Especially when it's a married person with a list of major issues a mile long. "So, you're good enough for your spouse and to be married, but I'm still too messed up for mine? Thanks." Either way, you just identified yourself as better than us because you are married. We do a great job and finding all of the ways we might not be good enough for Mr./Mrs. Right. We don't need you confirming it.
3. "Be Patient"
I'm sorry, but am I out sleeping around? Am I dating everyone that I cross paths with? NO! Am I waiting for my spouse? YES! In my case, I have been divorced for 6 1/2 years and I can count the number of men I've gone on a date with on one hand. I call that being patient. How do you see us not being patient? Us venting about being tired of being single does not mean we're not being patient. It just means that we need an ear to listen to how we're tired of being patient. Most times we get it out and are good.
4. "It will all happen in God's time."
I thought it was going to happen in "Hammer Time." Thank you for clearing that up for me. When you've heard that line for years on end, you want to smack the person with a clock. (NO, I do not mean we really want to hit someone! Come on people!)
5. "Your time will come."
Well, really, thank you so much for that. Your time will come, too. Your time to trip over my foot. OOPS! Seriously, we're not going to hurt you or trip you, but unless you want me to say that when you are talking about colonoscopies, don't say it. I will use my sarcastic wit to silence you.
6. "You'll miss being single some day."
Not if I'm married to a man that I love. I will not miss going to bed alone, waking up alone (my kids being in my bed does not count), being alone when they go to bed at night. You say these things to me and then go home to your spouse. I go home alone.
7. "You're not alone."
No, I have my kids and I have God. Sure, I have my friends, but when I go home, put my kids to bed, I AM ALONE. I'm watching a show alone. I go to bed alone. No one there to talk through the day with. No one to share my parenting woes with and to figure out our game plan. No one to fight over covers with. Let me put you in my situation and then tell me that I'm not alone.
8. "You're lucky you don't have to deal with a man/woman."
I'm sorry you are ticked off at your spouse at the moment, or that you're in a bad marriage. Really, I am. But you never say that line to singles.
9. "Embrace your singleness."
I hate this one. Sure, we should make the most of where we are in life, but seriously, do not try to make me like it more by giving it a theoretical hug. I'll be serving you with a sentence of 25 literal burpees.
Now, we do love to be encouraged. But when you don't know what to say, avoid these one liners and say "I love you, and I'm praying for you." Give us a hug. That's all you need to do. Or just be awkward and say nothing, which is way better than "You're time will come." God wants us to encourage one another. He does not want us to use placating words that are just empty fillers. I know that people mean well when they say these things, but really well meaning words should be weighed and measured before leaving your mouth. The same as it is in many other situations. Like a couple who is struggling with infertility, a family who lost a loved one, a person who's spouse walked out on them, or someone who lost their job. "I love you. I'm praying for you." Hug. Best way to avoid saying the wrong thing or using empty words.
We also know a LOT of people who have handsome/beautiful, Godly, wonderful, SINGLE relatives and friends that they forget about that they could say "Hey, you two should meet!" Yeah. We like to hear "My cousin is single. He's gorgeous and a wonderful man." Try that instead of "Be patient." You'll get our attention real quick.
*Please note that the author of this blog is not sad, depressed, miserable, having a hard time, or mad at anyone. These are just things that are even addressed in Christian magazines that she has read. This is not aimed at any person. This author does not publicly vent about people she knows on social media. She is very against venting hurtful things aimed at friends/family/acquaintances on any social media outlet. Also, if you have a problem with said author, please address in private. Also please be aware that none of this was written in any other way but a humorous way to address these specific one liners that have been said countless times over the years to said author and the single friends of the author.
I have been a single mom for over 8 years. I decided that the general public needs to be reminded what not to tell us singles because, well, they keep saying the same programmed responses. Empty responses that others seem to feel responsible for telling us. Over and over and over and over. . . .
Singles Christians everywhere get told the same placating remarks every day. At least once. We may be asked if we're seeing anyone, we may be venting about being tired of being dateless or single. Whatever the reason, we always seem to get the SAME answer when people either don't know what to say, or think they need to say something, when in fact, they don't.
1. "God has someone out there for you."
Really? No way! Yes. We know, but we just cannot seem to find each other. We are currently playing Hide-and-Seek, and no one is winning. Unless in telling us you know their exact hiding location with GPS tracker, we don't need to be told this any more.
2. "God is perfecting you for your mate."
Ok, so this is pretty much a way to make us doubt our current self worth. Especially when it's a married person with a list of major issues a mile long. "So, you're good enough for your spouse and to be married, but I'm still too messed up for mine? Thanks." Either way, you just identified yourself as better than us because you are married. We do a great job and finding all of the ways we might not be good enough for Mr./Mrs. Right. We don't need you confirming it.
3. "Be Patient"
I'm sorry, but am I out sleeping around? Am I dating everyone that I cross paths with? NO! Am I waiting for my spouse? YES! In my case, I have been divorced for 6 1/2 years and I can count the number of men I've gone on a date with on one hand. I call that being patient. How do you see us not being patient? Us venting about being tired of being single does not mean we're not being patient. It just means that we need an ear to listen to how we're tired of being patient. Most times we get it out and are good.
4. "It will all happen in God's time."
I thought it was going to happen in "Hammer Time." Thank you for clearing that up for me. When you've heard that line for years on end, you want to smack the person with a clock. (NO, I do not mean we really want to hit someone! Come on people!)
5. "Your time will come."
Well, really, thank you so much for that. Your time will come, too. Your time to trip over my foot. OOPS! Seriously, we're not going to hurt you or trip you, but unless you want me to say that when you are talking about colonoscopies, don't say it. I will use my sarcastic wit to silence you.
6. "You'll miss being single some day."
Not if I'm married to a man that I love. I will not miss going to bed alone, waking up alone (my kids being in my bed does not count), being alone when they go to bed at night. You say these things to me and then go home to your spouse. I go home alone.
7. "You're not alone."
No, I have my kids and I have God. Sure, I have my friends, but when I go home, put my kids to bed, I AM ALONE. I'm watching a show alone. I go to bed alone. No one there to talk through the day with. No one to share my parenting woes with and to figure out our game plan. No one to fight over covers with. Let me put you in my situation and then tell me that I'm not alone.
8. "You're lucky you don't have to deal with a man/woman."
I'm sorry you are ticked off at your spouse at the moment, or that you're in a bad marriage. Really, I am. But you never say that line to singles.
9. "Embrace your singleness."
I hate this one. Sure, we should make the most of where we are in life, but seriously, do not try to make me like it more by giving it a theoretical hug. I'll be serving you with a sentence of 25 literal burpees.
Now, we do love to be encouraged. But when you don't know what to say, avoid these one liners and say "I love you, and I'm praying for you." Give us a hug. That's all you need to do. Or just be awkward and say nothing, which is way better than "You're time will come." God wants us to encourage one another. He does not want us to use placating words that are just empty fillers. I know that people mean well when they say these things, but really well meaning words should be weighed and measured before leaving your mouth. The same as it is in many other situations. Like a couple who is struggling with infertility, a family who lost a loved one, a person who's spouse walked out on them, or someone who lost their job. "I love you. I'm praying for you." Hug. Best way to avoid saying the wrong thing or using empty words.
We also know a LOT of people who have handsome/beautiful, Godly, wonderful, SINGLE relatives and friends that they forget about that they could say "Hey, you two should meet!" Yeah. We like to hear "My cousin is single. He's gorgeous and a wonderful man." Try that instead of "Be patient." You'll get our attention real quick.
*Please note that the author of this blog is not sad, depressed, miserable, having a hard time, or mad at anyone. These are just things that are even addressed in Christian magazines that she has read. This is not aimed at any person. This author does not publicly vent about people she knows on social media. She is very against venting hurtful things aimed at friends/family/acquaintances on any social media outlet. Also, if you have a problem with said author, please address in private. Also please be aware that none of this was written in any other way but a humorous way to address these specific one liners that have been said countless times over the years to said author and the single friends of the author.
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