Well, this week has been a new "adventure". My previous 6 week workout plan didn't work. It died pathetic and alone. I had nothing and no one to motivate me and keep me accountable. So, I started a 21 day fitness boot camp. Some lovely ladies from church are doing it as well. The kicker for me was that it was a great deal, and I could bring the girls and they play in a corner while I work out.
My anxiety leading up to it was hysterical. I would be fine, and then remember that "tomorrow is day 1" and then feel almost panicy about surviving just the first day. I don't know why I was so worried about it. I love working out. When I was younger and childless I was a firefighter and EMT. I was in shape. But after being a single mom for nearly 8 years of 2 girls, stress of that, the financial responsibility (especially without child support since my ex-"husband" - quotes for the lack of husband that he was - is a lazy non working bum that wants no responsibility at all), oh, and yeah, the stress of homeschooling!! Doing an efficient and consistent workout was not affordable or ... well, there was no one to keep me at it and push me.
I didn't want to be a single parent. I didn't want to be the sole provider for my kids. I didn't want to be abandoned by my "husband" and left to fend for myself. That's not what I signed up for!! I didn't want to be made felt disposable! So I have pushed through the past 7 years. I try to be the best mom I can. I'm the only parent these girls have. So when the opportunity to do this boot camp came up, I jumped in. I signed up to be pushed, motivated, and driven.
What I have learned about myself in the past 5 days:
I am very internally focused during workouts. I may look around sometimes, but I usually get so focused internally that I miss things - making myself look like an idiot. I find a spot on the wall or ceiling, and focus on it and doing things the right way until I hear "TIME!". I feel almost like a drag to whoever else is in the group, because I hardly say 2 words the whole time. I want to have the best form possible to get the best workout. I want to go as far and hard as I can. Break my focus and I will have to get back into my mode. I'm getting better though. Some things I need a distraction from. Then I can just keep going.
I have NO core muscles. Not good ones anyways. My abs are what I have lost the most of. I'm slowly getting them back, but not like my arms and legs.
I feel the need to compete with Michelle, who has been doing the boot camp for almost a year. This sometimes is good, because I focus on keeping pace with her. But where it's not the best is when I am not up to her level and get frustrated because I can't do . . a one armed push up. . HA!! Or use the 30lb weights. Or do more than JUST the v-sit. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not there. . .yet.
I have tried to use different life experiences to push me when it gets hard. I found out that counting works best. One of the first days I was just holding plank. It was all I could do to hold it. So my thoughts went like this: "You have given birth naturally twice, you can do this for just 40 seconds! nope that's not good. You've been a single mom of 2 girls for 7 years, this is nothing compared to that! nope. not good." almost fall "You were abandoned by your husband, you can do this so if he ever sees you again, you look GOOD!! nope. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15....." and that's when I decided that my mental pushing of what I've been through is not going to keep me going. It's counting. That's what works. Hahahah!
The first 3 days I was very stiff and sore the rest of the day. If I sat still for 5 minutes, I'd shuffle like an old man before my legs would loosen up enough to walk strangely. Yesterday, day 4, was the best day. My legs don't protest going up and down the stairs, or even just standing up. Squatting down is still slow, but I'm feeling much better. Jenna calls sleeping in "a glorious day", and I'm looking forward to my glorious day tomorrow. I've been getting up around 7 ever day. For me, 8 is normal. I did my fair share of 4am when I worked in Columbus years ago. I am done with that. 8 is good. 7 is getting to be easier. But YAY!!! for my glorious day tomorrow!!
Ok. Now to get stuff done before work!
The.End.
My anxiety leading up to it was hysterical. I would be fine, and then remember that "tomorrow is day 1" and then feel almost panicy about surviving just the first day. I don't know why I was so worried about it. I love working out. When I was younger and childless I was a firefighter and EMT. I was in shape. But after being a single mom for nearly 8 years of 2 girls, stress of that, the financial responsibility (especially without child support since my ex-"husband" - quotes for the lack of husband that he was - is a lazy non working bum that wants no responsibility at all), oh, and yeah, the stress of homeschooling!! Doing an efficient and consistent workout was not affordable or ... well, there was no one to keep me at it and push me.
I didn't want to be a single parent. I didn't want to be the sole provider for my kids. I didn't want to be abandoned by my "husband" and left to fend for myself. That's not what I signed up for!! I didn't want to be made felt disposable! So I have pushed through the past 7 years. I try to be the best mom I can. I'm the only parent these girls have. So when the opportunity to do this boot camp came up, I jumped in. I signed up to be pushed, motivated, and driven.
What I have learned about myself in the past 5 days:
I am very internally focused during workouts. I may look around sometimes, but I usually get so focused internally that I miss things - making myself look like an idiot. I find a spot on the wall or ceiling, and focus on it and doing things the right way until I hear "TIME!". I feel almost like a drag to whoever else is in the group, because I hardly say 2 words the whole time. I want to have the best form possible to get the best workout. I want to go as far and hard as I can. Break my focus and I will have to get back into my mode. I'm getting better though. Some things I need a distraction from. Then I can just keep going.
I have NO core muscles. Not good ones anyways. My abs are what I have lost the most of. I'm slowly getting them back, but not like my arms and legs.
I feel the need to compete with Michelle, who has been doing the boot camp for almost a year. This sometimes is good, because I focus on keeping pace with her. But where it's not the best is when I am not up to her level and get frustrated because I can't do . . a one armed push up. . HA!! Or use the 30lb weights. Or do more than JUST the v-sit. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not there. . .yet.
I have tried to use different life experiences to push me when it gets hard. I found out that counting works best. One of the first days I was just holding plank. It was all I could do to hold it. So my thoughts went like this: "You have given birth naturally twice, you can do this for just 40 seconds! nope that's not good. You've been a single mom of 2 girls for 7 years, this is nothing compared to that! nope. not good." almost fall "You were abandoned by your husband, you can do this so if he ever sees you again, you look GOOD!! nope. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15....." and that's when I decided that my mental pushing of what I've been through is not going to keep me going. It's counting. That's what works. Hahahah!
The first 3 days I was very stiff and sore the rest of the day. If I sat still for 5 minutes, I'd shuffle like an old man before my legs would loosen up enough to walk strangely. Yesterday, day 4, was the best day. My legs don't protest going up and down the stairs, or even just standing up. Squatting down is still slow, but I'm feeling much better. Jenna calls sleeping in "a glorious day", and I'm looking forward to my glorious day tomorrow. I've been getting up around 7 ever day. For me, 8 is normal. I did my fair share of 4am when I worked in Columbus years ago. I am done with that. 8 is good. 7 is getting to be easier. But YAY!!! for my glorious day tomorrow!!
Ok. Now to get stuff done before work!
The.End.
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