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"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord

I started this blog so I could write about how I'm feeling. So I could share silly and interesting things in life. Share my thoughts. Right now I'm sharing my heart, but keeping it simple. Just getting some things out.

Things with my brother, Caleb, are getting more complicated. All kinds of things are going through my head, and none are good. I'm scared. Caleb is my childhood best friend. We played in the mud together. We got into trouble for playing in the haymow, mud, chicken house, barn, woods, and all kinds of other things when were weren't supposed to. We decided one night, we were probably 6 and 8, that after mom and dad were asleep, we would get up and play quietly. We did wake up and get up to play. We ended up turning on a light by dad's desk right outside of our bedroom, laying on our stomachs talking about what we wanted to do, and then decided to go back to sleep. We made mud pies, fished for grass in the mud puddles. We walked to Grandma and Grandpa Allen's house one day. It was a country mile away. We would sneak cool stuff out of dad's barn trash and keep it for playing with. Dad would always find it somehow and we'd never know what happened to it. We got stuck in a hog pen once. It was empty and we were yelling and yelling for someone to come save us. One of our friends was over and trapped inside with us. We were freaking out, thought we'd be trapped forever. Hahaha! We played in the woods together. Did school together. We grew up in a different time than our younger siblings. We played whiffle ball in the back yard with mom and dad. We convinced Chad that we were going to Disney World. Yes, we got in big trouble. Yes, Chad cried when he found out we had lied. We played Atari, Nintendo, and Super Nintendo together. We watched the original Star Wars trilogy together. I even beat him at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit once when we were teenagers. Let me tell you what, that was HUGE for me. He knows SO much about world of Star Wars. We watched NBA games and collected basketball cards together. We lived outside when we could. We tried to dig a tunnel to our cousin's house, or til we hit gold. Because, well, Indians lived on our property once. Whichever came first.

So many memories from our childhood. Now he's in the hospital again with all kinds of junk going on. There's nothing I can do to fix it. And it's getting more and more complicated, which isn't good. The hard part right now is that I want to cry. My kids freak out when I cry. They always try to figure out what's going on, and always go to the boys first. They will get very worried if they see or hear me cry. So I do what I'm best at. I hide it. Hide my worry. Hide my tears. And I pray. God has this in His hands, no matter what happens, He is in control.  

Caleb 4/12

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

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