Caleb's funeral was today. There were so many emotions going. It started out okay. People coming in, greeting them, trying to find where my girls were running off to with friends and cousins. So many people came to support us yesterday and today. We were so blessed and so thankful to all who came.
It was a great funeral. The music, the message, the friends who got up and spoke. Some of the things said that really meant a lot to me were:
1) Anyone who says that someone physically handicap has no quality of life needs just to look at the life of Caleb to be proven 100% wrong. He lived life to it's fullest. He was a great man of God who studied theology, he wrote wonderfully, and he loved people. His lifelong battle with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy never got in the way of his faith, family, and friends. He didn't complain about his handicap. He lived strong in spite of it.
2) Anyone who knows my family knows what trials we have faced. One friend said: All of you out there, when you go through something you think is a rough time, look at this family. Look at what they have faced. Your trials pale in comparison. Your daily inconveniences. Your little bumps in life. When life gets you down, just compare it to what this family is living through. And it's so true. Not to be mean or to belittle anyone's problems in life. But in all honesty, it can get hard to be compassionate some days. I hear about little nothings that have people up in arms, and I want to say "Really? That has you this worked up? This ready to throw in the towel?" Now, I do have a lot of compassion. I heard once that as a parent you have to remember that what your child going through may seem small to you in your grown up world, but to them in their little kid world it's HUGE. So I remember that what to me seems small compared to my experience in life may be huge in that person's life. So we do have compassion and understand. But there is always that time where someone makes you want to say "You have no idea how good you've got it."
3) Over and over again it was said what a strong man of faith Caleb was. How deep his relationship with Christ was. How intensely he sought to learn more about Christ. To dig deeper. It was so amazing to hear it be said and to know it was the honest truth.
At the end of the funeral they played "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood. I pretty much held it together well until then. From then on it was tears and thinking "breathe without that loud terrible sound that happens when you're crying". Dad was so strong for us. He held us together. I am so proud of my Daddy. After that we walked out and they played the ending theme song for Star Wars. It was so appropriate. So Caleb. I ended up in a friends arms and immediately fell apart. I fell apart on her later at the grave side as well. I felt my heart being carried away when the pallbearers carried the casket out of the church and put it in the hearse. Like my heart was being sucked right out of me. Courtney and I stood crying together, and then Dad came and joined our little hug.
WARNING* mini vent: Just so you know, funeral procession etiquette for other drivers on the road is to STOP. Police escort or no, you are supposed to stop. Green light or not, stop. Out of respect for the family, you pull over and stop until the procession is past you. I could count on one hand the number of cars who actually voluntarily stopped. *Thank you for understanding this vent*
The grave side was the hardest. Watching them carry his casket down, I cried the entire time. Silent tears. Not silent tears. Courtney was in my lap, stroking my hair, saying comforting things about Caleb being in heaven now. Playing basketball with Chad. Then she started humming the song 10,000 Reasons. My sweet girl. I told her "You are so sweet." and her little ego answer was "I know I am." Hahaha! Jenna was snuggled up against me loving me with her cuddles. The girls picked almost all of the flowers out of the arrangement on the casket. We're going to dry them and keep them. I still have the dried flowers from Chad's funeral.
The end is so final. So hard. He's not here anymore. His shell is in that casket. His soul lives forever in heaven. We will be together again someday, but it feels like it will be so long. I miss him so much.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
It was a great funeral. The music, the message, the friends who got up and spoke. Some of the things said that really meant a lot to me were:
1) Anyone who says that someone physically handicap has no quality of life needs just to look at the life of Caleb to be proven 100% wrong. He lived life to it's fullest. He was a great man of God who studied theology, he wrote wonderfully, and he loved people. His lifelong battle with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy never got in the way of his faith, family, and friends. He didn't complain about his handicap. He lived strong in spite of it.
2) Anyone who knows my family knows what trials we have faced. One friend said: All of you out there, when you go through something you think is a rough time, look at this family. Look at what they have faced. Your trials pale in comparison. Your daily inconveniences. Your little bumps in life. When life gets you down, just compare it to what this family is living through. And it's so true. Not to be mean or to belittle anyone's problems in life. But in all honesty, it can get hard to be compassionate some days. I hear about little nothings that have people up in arms, and I want to say "Really? That has you this worked up? This ready to throw in the towel?" Now, I do have a lot of compassion. I heard once that as a parent you have to remember that what your child going through may seem small to you in your grown up world, but to them in their little kid world it's HUGE. So I remember that what to me seems small compared to my experience in life may be huge in that person's life. So we do have compassion and understand. But there is always that time where someone makes you want to say "You have no idea how good you've got it."
3) Over and over again it was said what a strong man of faith Caleb was. How deep his relationship with Christ was. How intensely he sought to learn more about Christ. To dig deeper. It was so amazing to hear it be said and to know it was the honest truth.
At the end of the funeral they played "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood. I pretty much held it together well until then. From then on it was tears and thinking "breathe without that loud terrible sound that happens when you're crying". Dad was so strong for us. He held us together. I am so proud of my Daddy. After that we walked out and they played the ending theme song for Star Wars. It was so appropriate. So Caleb. I ended up in a friends arms and immediately fell apart. I fell apart on her later at the grave side as well. I felt my heart being carried away when the pallbearers carried the casket out of the church and put it in the hearse. Like my heart was being sucked right out of me. Courtney and I stood crying together, and then Dad came and joined our little hug.
WARNING* mini vent: Just so you know, funeral procession etiquette for other drivers on the road is to STOP. Police escort or no, you are supposed to stop. Green light or not, stop. Out of respect for the family, you pull over and stop until the procession is past you. I could count on one hand the number of cars who actually voluntarily stopped. *Thank you for understanding this vent*
The grave side was the hardest. Watching them carry his casket down, I cried the entire time. Silent tears. Not silent tears. Courtney was in my lap, stroking my hair, saying comforting things about Caleb being in heaven now. Playing basketball with Chad. Then she started humming the song 10,000 Reasons. My sweet girl. I told her "You are so sweet." and her little ego answer was "I know I am." Hahaha! Jenna was snuggled up against me loving me with her cuddles. The girls picked almost all of the flowers out of the arrangement on the casket. We're going to dry them and keep them. I still have the dried flowers from Chad's funeral.
The end is so final. So hard. He's not here anymore. His shell is in that casket. His soul lives forever in heaven. We will be together again someday, but it feels like it will be so long. I miss him so much.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
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