It is so strange to sit by and watch the world continue to go on like normal around me. Lives going on around me like nothing happened. So surreal to be sitting here with my heart hurting so badly, reading my friends facebook status updates that are just normal day to day things. I'm thinking "Here we are going through this, and the world around is just going." It's not an angry or upset thing. Just noticing how strange it feels.
I realized why I have been going non stop since Friday. I decided that we would stay home for the most part today and just rest. Catch up on laundry. And I sat down to eat lunch and just cried. I need to eat, but I'm not hungry. I just want to curl up in bed. I feel useless, like functioning normally is foreign. I would be perfectly content to sit and stare at nothing for the rest of the day. That's all I feel like doing.
I read through my most recent blogs regarding Caleb's hospitalization. It feels like it was ages ago I wrote them, but it was really just last week. In one I said "I know all will turn out well in the end." I just didn't know that the well would be that Caleb is in heaven with a new body. I always worried for the worst, but expected it to turn around and prove my worries wrong. It always had. But this time God said "I want him back. Your time with him is done. It's time for him to come home." So we let him go. We did what was best for Caleb. We said goodbye for now, we'll see you soon.
The peace of knowing where he is doesn't dull the pain. He had such great desires for life. He would have played and coached basketball. He would have been a great husband and father. But he never had those chances. He was a strong man of God. He was unwavering in his faith. He pushed others to be the best they could be for Christ. He wasn't ashamed. He was a great writer. He had a blog that he wrote stories for. http://wonderful-imagination.blogspot.com/ Caleb's Wonderful Imagination. My kids will have his stories forever. Caleb was also the rarely beaten champion of Scrabble. The one time his friend, Paul, beat him was like Christmas for Paul. Caleb swore it would never happen again.
Caleb's obituary.
http://www.dilleylasater.com/obituaries.asp?ItemID=768&CategoryID=188
So here I sit, listening to life go on around us. Wondering when I'll get any motivation to be productive, or at least to care about it. I am so thankful for the friends and family that have surrounded us with their love and support.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
I realized why I have been going non stop since Friday. I decided that we would stay home for the most part today and just rest. Catch up on laundry. And I sat down to eat lunch and just cried. I need to eat, but I'm not hungry. I just want to curl up in bed. I feel useless, like functioning normally is foreign. I would be perfectly content to sit and stare at nothing for the rest of the day. That's all I feel like doing.
I read through my most recent blogs regarding Caleb's hospitalization. It feels like it was ages ago I wrote them, but it was really just last week. In one I said "I know all will turn out well in the end." I just didn't know that the well would be that Caleb is in heaven with a new body. I always worried for the worst, but expected it to turn around and prove my worries wrong. It always had. But this time God said "I want him back. Your time with him is done. It's time for him to come home." So we let him go. We did what was best for Caleb. We said goodbye for now, we'll see you soon.
The peace of knowing where he is doesn't dull the pain. He had such great desires for life. He would have played and coached basketball. He would have been a great husband and father. But he never had those chances. He was a strong man of God. He was unwavering in his faith. He pushed others to be the best they could be for Christ. He wasn't ashamed. He was a great writer. He had a blog that he wrote stories for. http://wonderful-imagination.blogspot.com/ Caleb's Wonderful Imagination. My kids will have his stories forever. Caleb was also the rarely beaten champion of Scrabble. The one time his friend, Paul, beat him was like Christmas for Paul. Caleb swore it would never happen again.
Caleb's obituary.
http://www.dilleylasater.com/obituaries.asp?ItemID=768&CategoryID=188
So here I sit, listening to life go on around us. Wondering when I'll get any motivation to be productive, or at least to care about it. I am so thankful for the friends and family that have surrounded us with their love and support.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
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