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Tenth Avenue North - Worn



I feel like an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I'm happy one minute, and then the next something brings me to tears. I sat down to do my devotions this morning, and it seemed like everything was against me. Phone ringing, kids needing me for something, mind wandering. I finally got my peace and quiet and dove in.

 I am so excited as I am starting a 90 day study on the life of Jesus. I finished one on David, and loved it. At the end of today's it asked a few questions that really made me just stop and think. What do I hope to experience at Jesus' feet? What am I bringing that needs healing? What emptiness or brokenness needs mending? Tears began to fall. What do you want to say to Him at the outset of this journey? Prayer began to pour out. Part of my heart has been dealing with the some of the feelings I had not addressed from sitting at the hospital watching Caleb slip away. Anger. Anger that God would let this all happen. Questioning. What if God isn't real. Then Caleb is just gone. Just no more. What is there that makes me so sure that God is? At the end of the chapter in the book Mended that I am reading in my devotional time, she said that one essential truth is that He is who He says He is. Repeat that. HE IS who He says HE IS. In my emotions that morning, I may have questioned those things, but I knew. I knew He was there. I was mad, and I was mentally lashing out.

As worn as I am right now, my faith is stronger than ever. I hear this song and know that I will see redemption win. I know this struggle will end, and that my heart will be mended. I know that there are good and bad days. I know that times will be crushingly hard. And I know that I get through each suffocating trial in life. God at my side, holding me up. I know that I look back and say "Look at what God has brought us through. Look at how we have stayed strong. That is all God."

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