Ten years.
Well, in reality, we're talking more like eleven.
Ten years in the sense that ten years ago today my ex-husband walked out on me and the girls. Eleven in that there has been a lot that happened from 2004 until now.
It's a long time, but it really isn't. It seems like so long, but it seems like it flew by. A lot has happened in the past eleven years. I feel a bit overwhelmed as I sit here and think back. It has been a long, winding, and rough road. So many ups and way too many downs.
I had two kids, a marriage and divorce. I lost two brothers, which took my feet right out from under me. Got engaged, broke off said engagement. Battled depression. Got in shape and fell in love with CrossFit (It's my therapy). Raised two girls through their single digit years. Went through 2 cats, 2 turtles, are on our 3rd and 4th birds. Moved 3 times in less than 2 years, having lived at our current residence for 10 years now. Along with a variety of other things.
This was brought about when a friend of mine (also a single mom) and I were talking yesterday about the number of days we've been single. For her it is 2,827 days. For me, well, my ex-husband walked out 3,650 days ago. Ten years ago today. We have been divorced for 3,011 days. Since he was never really a part of the girls lives (they haven't seen him since they were two and three), and Courtney will be eleven in just over a month, that means I have been raising the girls on my own for 3,956 days. That's a lot of days. On Courtney's birthday (August 10th) it will be 4,015 days.
*checks math*
How have I survived eleven years of raising two kids on my own? Okay, eleven for one kid, ten for both, but still!! The weight of all the responsibilities on my shoulders and mine alone for that long?!
*stares at the screen while the number sinks in*
11 years
132 months
572 weeks
4,015 days
96,360 hours
5,781,600 minutes
346,896,000 seconds
*remembers to inhale*
My family has been a huge help. Huge is an understatement. We've had ups and downs, arguments, misunderstandings, disagreements, and bad days. But it has never stopped them from being there for me when I need them. And as a single mom, that is priceless.
My friends have done what they can. My church family as well. It's hard for them to know what to help with, especially when I'm not good at asking for help.... and at times accepting it.
*cough*bullheaded*cough*
But God is my rock. My redeemer. My fortress. My provider. My comforter. My strength. My hope. My security. My calm in the storm. My God supplies all of our needs. He holds me up when I can't stand on my own. He has been there through it all. He has opened doors, closed others. He sees me at my worst and loves me most. He knows my every flaw, yet still loves me enough to have sent His Son to die for me.
He loves me for me. Not for what I have done or what I will become. *What Love Really Means by JJ Heller* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgGUKWiw7Wk
I have learned to say no. No matter how noble the cause, I can't do it all. I can't volunteer for everything. I have put my desires on hold for the good of my family. In a few short years the girls will be grown and I'll need those things to keep me busy. So I'm saving them to keep me sane when I come home to an empty house.
*panic sets in*
Let's not talk about that for another.... lot of years. LOTS OF YEARS!! I'm not going to be the parent that looks forward to the kids moving out. I'm the parent dreading it.
*more panic*
I know it's inevitable, but I'd rather not go there yet. The hard part is, how fast the last ten years went, the next will go by faster. It makes me wish I had cherished the time with them more. That I had held them tighter. But really, I did cherish it. I did squeeze them tightly. It's just never enough. Time is precious. I know that all too well. I have my share of "I wish I had..." with my brothers. But we can only make the most of the time we're in.
I feel like the later it gets (it's almost 2am) the more all over the place I am going. But I will say, I'm kind of that way no matter what time of day it is.
I want to end this with a song that says it all.
Well, in reality, we're talking more like eleven.
Ten years in the sense that ten years ago today my ex-husband walked out on me and the girls. Eleven in that there has been a lot that happened from 2004 until now.
It's a long time, but it really isn't. It seems like so long, but it seems like it flew by. A lot has happened in the past eleven years. I feel a bit overwhelmed as I sit here and think back. It has been a long, winding, and rough road. So many ups and way too many downs.
I had two kids, a marriage and divorce. I lost two brothers, which took my feet right out from under me. Got engaged, broke off said engagement. Battled depression. Got in shape and fell in love with CrossFit (It's my therapy). Raised two girls through their single digit years. Went through 2 cats, 2 turtles, are on our 3rd and 4th birds. Moved 3 times in less than 2 years, having lived at our current residence for 10 years now. Along with a variety of other things.
This was brought about when a friend of mine (also a single mom) and I were talking yesterday about the number of days we've been single. For her it is 2,827 days. For me, well, my ex-husband walked out 3,650 days ago. Ten years ago today. We have been divorced for 3,011 days. Since he was never really a part of the girls lives (they haven't seen him since they were two and three), and Courtney will be eleven in just over a month, that means I have been raising the girls on my own for 3,956 days. That's a lot of days. On Courtney's birthday (August 10th) it will be 4,015 days.
*checks math*
How have I survived eleven years of raising two kids on my own? Okay, eleven for one kid, ten for both, but still!! The weight of all the responsibilities on my shoulders and mine alone for that long?!
*stares at the screen while the number sinks in*
11 years
132 months
572 weeks
4,015 days
96,360 hours
5,781,600 minutes
346,896,000 seconds
*remembers to inhale*
My family has been a huge help. Huge is an understatement. We've had ups and downs, arguments, misunderstandings, disagreements, and bad days. But it has never stopped them from being there for me when I need them. And as a single mom, that is priceless.
My friends have done what they can. My church family as well. It's hard for them to know what to help with, especially when I'm not good at asking for help.... and at times accepting it.
*cough*bullheaded*cough*
But God is my rock. My redeemer. My fortress. My provider. My comforter. My strength. My hope. My security. My calm in the storm. My God supplies all of our needs. He holds me up when I can't stand on my own. He has been there through it all. He has opened doors, closed others. He sees me at my worst and loves me most. He knows my every flaw, yet still loves me enough to have sent His Son to die for me.
He loves me for me. Not for what I have done or what I will become. *What Love Really Means by JJ Heller* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgGUKWiw7Wk
I have learned to say no. No matter how noble the cause, I can't do it all. I can't volunteer for everything. I have put my desires on hold for the good of my family. In a few short years the girls will be grown and I'll need those things to keep me busy. So I'm saving them to keep me sane when I come home to an empty house.
*panic sets in*
Let's not talk about that for another.... lot of years. LOTS OF YEARS!! I'm not going to be the parent that looks forward to the kids moving out. I'm the parent dreading it.
*more panic*
I know it's inevitable, but I'd rather not go there yet. The hard part is, how fast the last ten years went, the next will go by faster. It makes me wish I had cherished the time with them more. That I had held them tighter. But really, I did cherish it. I did squeeze them tightly. It's just never enough. Time is precious. I know that all too well. I have my share of "I wish I had..." with my brothers. But we can only make the most of the time we're in.
I feel like the later it gets (it's almost 2am) the more all over the place I am going. But I will say, I'm kind of that way no matter what time of day it is.
I want to end this with a song that says it all.
Comments
Post a Comment