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Finding My Calling

I have spent the last 10 years trying to provide for my children, to raise them how God has led me, and essentially to survive as best I could raising my kids completely on my own. No, not without help, but you know what I mean. Anyways, my kids are older, and getting to a point where I am ready to see what God has in store for me for this next phase of life. And in figuring it out, it cannot negatively effect my children. It has to be what is best for us as a family.

I have essentially given up getting married again. I am happy with being married to Jesus and Crossfit. I am okay with this, and I don't want to hear "That's when God is going to send someone your way!!" because that isn't always true. Just keep to encouraging me right where I am in my journey. I know I will get lonely, I've been single for more of my adult life than anything, so I know how true it is. But I have survived, and I know I will be fine.

Looking ahead is full of unknowns. Go to school? If so, for what? What do I want to do that is worth possibly going into crazy debt for? Online school or actual brick and mortar? I know I would love to get into fitness and fitness nutrition. I eventually would like to become certified in Crossfit, and more so Crossfit Kids. I feel my greatest draw towards children. I can't explain it, but my connection with kids is so great. My passion to connect with them and to help them grow is so God given. I want to tie in the physical aspect with spiritual.

I also would like to be an encouragement to women who are trying to be more healthy in exercise and eating. Support group/bible study. Devotions. The biblical side to healthy lifestyles. I feel like not only through my blog, but through actual meeting together. Connecting with each other.

I feel so spiritually ill-equipped. Am I really able to do this? But then I think of the disciples. I think of Paul. They didn't have the Bible to refer to. Hello! That right there would be crazy hard! We not only have the Bible, but we have the unlimited information superhighway. The internet is so full of resources! And then God reminds me that He speaks through me. If I spend time in prayer, studying His word, He will give me the words needed, the inspiration to fulfill His calling. He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.

Pretty much where I am right now is seeking His direction through prayer and in His word. I am seeing what doors open, what doors close. I am looking at my options and weighing them carefully. I'm not going to sit and wait while twiddling my thumbs. I am going to actively seek His will. I'm not going to impulsively jump into anything either. I want to truly follow God's leading. It's so hard. People don't always see or agree with God's direction in your life. They will look down on you. It hurts. But it's not going to stop me. My aim is to please God, not men.

All while I have been writing this, this verse has kept pushing through my thoughts. So I will end with it.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6

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