The Blessed Life of a Single Mom

I feel like an emotional roller coaster. I feel like I'm happy one minute, and then the next something brings me to tears. I sat down to do my devotions this morning, and it seemed like everything was against me. Phone ringing, kids needing me for something, mind wandering. I finally got my peace and quiet and dove in.  I am so excited as I am starting a 90 day study on the life of Jesus. I finished one on David, and loved it. At the end of today's it asked a few questions that really made me just stop and think. What do I hope to experience at Jesus' feet? What am I bringing that needs healing? What emptiness or brokenness needs mending? Tears began to fall. What do you want to say to Him at the outset of this journey? Prayer began to pour out. Part of my heart has been dealing with the some of the feelings I had not addressed from sitting at the hospital watching Caleb slip away. Anger. Anger that God would let this all happen. Questioning. What if God isn't real...

[Chorus] Bless the Lord, O my soul O my soul Worship His holy name Sing like never before O my soul I'll worship Your holy name The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning It's time to sing Your song again Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me Let me be singing when the evening comes [Chorus] Bless the Lord, O my soul O my soul Worship His holy name Sing like never before O my soul I'll worship Your holy name You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger Your name is great, and Your heart is kind For all Your goodness I will keep on singing Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find [Chorus] Bless the Lord, O my soul O my soul Worship His holy name Sing like never before O my soul I'll worship Your holy name And on that day when my strength is failing The end draws near and my time has come Still my soul will sing Your praise unending Ten thousand years and then forevermore [Chorus x2] Bless the Lord, O my soul O my soul Worship His holy name Sing li...

It has been two months today since Caleb went home to be with the Lord. Just 3 and a half hours from now will be what time Mom called to tell me to come to the hospital. That it was bad. That his heart was failing. That we were going to decide to let him go. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes, a lump in my throat, and a terrible ache in my chest. How has it been only two months, and how has two months gone by so fast. It seems like it has been so long, yet so short. I miss him so much. I've read back over my blogs from it all, and just think "Why does it feel like it was just a dream?" I love how Mom talked to me one day about Caleb sitting in heaven talking with C.S. Lewis, A.W. Tozer, J.R. Tolkien, and more importantly, Jesus. It is a big comfort to think of his favorite authors and Jesus just sitting there talking with him. This year has been full of ups and downs. All over the map. Unexpected ones. It's been a lot for me to really handle. Lately I ...